Evangelion Is About Loneliness Before It’s About Angels

Reading Neon Genesis Evangelion is more like sitting in a room where people do not know how to speak about what is wrong with them. It is not new when you are aware of the anime but the emotion is not the same. Softer. Slower. And though nearly it seems that the story is allowing you room to breathe rather than plunging you into emotional free fall.

What is really noticeable is the proximity of everything. The manga does not fly through breakdown to breakdown. It lingers. You see the awkward moments, the stuttering silence, the avoiding eye contact or uttering something inappropriate as the characters do not know how to say something appropriate. Evangelion has never been alone but this time it is intimate, as though you are reading the personal thoughts of a person instead of a show being presented.

Shinji in particular is more a real kid rather than an idea. He is afraid, he is not sure, he is always questioning himself whether he is worthy to live but he is not just sitting, standing frozen. You watch him in his attempts, failures and attempts. His fear is not that far-fetched, but it is common. The type of fear a desire to be liked but knowing that you are sure to make a mess trying to be liked. The manga clarifies it with the fact that Shinji does not run away as he is weak he does not run away because it is worse to be rejected than to be alone.

Asuka hurts to read both the best and the worst. She is shrewd, noisy and mean, yet it is clear about the extent of that being armor, as spelt in the manga. It is not an instant breakdown, but you can see her bottling it up every time she is straining too hard or laughing too hard or asking for attention which she does not know how to seek or find without being too demanding. She desires to be noticed, not sympathised with, and the neediness to do it makes her excruciatingly human.

Rei is even more quiet, yet no less touching. The manga provides her with a bit more space to be herself, although she does not necessarily know what that is. It is painful to see how she gradually learns that she is not devoid of emotions, she has a choice, it is as ephemeral as a single misplaced word could drive her into obscurity. She is not cold, she is not sure, and it is this indecision that makes her who she is.

Even Gendo does not seem to be a monster as much as a lesson. He remains vicious, remains scheming and yet the manga portrays him as a person who has abandoned the need to form satisfactorily and settled on the view that being in control is simpler. He is what occurs when sorrow becomes hard rather than soft.

This tone is being sold visually through the art. The Evas are frightening, yet the characters are always small in comparison with them. Not heroic. Not chosen. Just kids made into something too big. Dealing of blows does not feel victorious it feels wearying. Life is never celebrated it has just been survived.

However, the biggest disparity, which stands out, is the way the manga concludes. It does not hide that things are alright. It does not just make people better. But it lets in the notion that a life in pain is not over. Knowing yourself, it does not mean that you will not damage yourself, but that you will not sink in it.

The Neon Genesis Evangelion manga has the same feel as Evangelion following the screaming. After the world doesn't end. When you get left to yourself and you have to make the choice whether that is a thing you can live with.

And in some way that silent sincerity is painful as any Angel can be.